I really fucking hate that my mom fucking hates my boyfriend of almost 2 years. And, she’s never even met him, nor does she want to even give him a chance. The very few times we talk on the phone, she never acknowledges him and even asks me questions like, “Have you met anyone yet? Don’t you want to settle down and get married and have kids with someone?” And I’m just forced to sit there like…UM.

You don’t understand my mom. She’s Korean and a hardcore one at that. She’s also bipolar and borderline psychotic if not a full blown psycho. You can’t reason with someone who’s mentally not there, now can you?

Last night, she verbally disowned me all because I told her I was going to visit my dad and bringing my boyfriend along with me. She blames me as the reason why our family is falling apart. But honestly, things wouldn’t be like this if she weren’t so fucking crazy. She’s a drama queen and likes to blow things way out of proportion. And she’s the master of mind games.

Life fucking sucks. I’m already a mentally weak person. Now I have to deal with major guilt tripping my mom has laid out on me. Fuck this shit. Wish I had a gun so I could shoot myself and be free of this misery.

Browsing Amazon.com when you’re blazed out of your mind is an amazing experience. I woke up this morning to find my shopping cart filled with $938 worth of random shit.

Things ranging from Chanel lipsticks to face serums containing snail slime extract to super wide calf leather boots to Hello Kitty cell phone covers to spicy Sriracha peas to a Zojirushi thermos to…well, plenty of other ridiculously random stuff.

Good thing my credit card wasn’t nearby or god knows what I might have purchased.

My boyfriend and I have a different take on “terms of endearment”. We are not the type to call each other baby, honey, sweetie pie. Instead, I shall list a few names he likes to call me:

Princess Fiona (from Shrek…AFTER she becomes an ogre)
Baby T-Rex (because of how I sit so close to the steering wheel when I drive, my arms look short and stubby)
Chubby Bear (or Chubster)
Baby Sumo (because of my size and sheer strength from fat)
Baby elephant (because he says my legs look like elephant legs, even my feet since my toes are all the same length)

Yeah. It’s weird. But I love it. 

Pulled out a long strand of hair from my butt crack. At work. In my cubicle. No shame, friends. No shame.

I’m furious. I ordered a couple of SK-II skincare products from sasa.com and was super stoked when my package arrived yesterday. I opened them up to find my essence and my cellumination mask-in lotion had an expiration date of 2011. Yeah, not using them now.

SO ANGRY. I’d been waiting to try out these products for a while and found them at a discounted price online. Guess I should have expected something like this happening, coming from an shady ass HK online store.

Guess I’ll just have the BF buy me the REAL thing from Saks or the official SK-II website.

“You better brush your teeth when we get home. I don’t want no pork on my penis”, said my Turkish Muslim boyfriend after I’d just devoured a bowl of Chinese soup dumplings and before I was about to give him a blowjob. Haha. 

I’m seriously becoming grumpy these days. I don’t know if it’s the lack of sex due to BF’s incredibly busy and tiring schedule or if I’m just becoming a bitch. I feel bad for BF though. I take out everything little thing that bothers me on him. And yet, he still manages to understand. Sometimes I’ll do things or say things HOPING that it’ll piss him off, but it doesn’t. And as a result, I get even more mad. I think there’s something wrong with me.

But sex last night was good. We only have sex like 2 times a week vs. when we used to have sex every single day, sometimes more than once in one day. I’m beginning to wonder what I like more. Sex via the penis or sex via handjob. My god, he made me explode using his hands. He was finger fucking me like a fucking jack hammer drilling into the concrete ground. It was amazing. Wish that would happen every night.

Poop.

Only because it’s 4/20 and it’s Friday, I’m going to get fucking demolished off marijuana tonight.

I just had explosive diarrhea in my work bathroom stall. Only, I didn’t realize, prior to sitting down, that it was already clogged. My normal shit sessions usually involve multiple flushes. But by my third flush, I looked behind me, horrified to see dark brown water almost to the top of the toilet bowl.

I jumped ship. I’m not even sure if I finished wiping my ass. But I definitely didn’t wash my hands. I got out of there as soon as I could to avoid anyone seeing me come out.

Only, someone did. Fortunately, there are 3 other stalls in there, and right now, all I can do is hope she doesn’t think the Code Brown stall was me.

FUCK.

Thoughts: Clarisonic Plus vs. Olay Cleansing System Rx?

I would like to purchase one or the other but am torn. Since January, I’ve been on a crazy skincare kick, as I noticed my first traces of fine lines under my eyes. And I’m only 27. Unacceptable!

I started doing a lot of DIY home skincare things like seaweed facials, apple cider vinegar with olive oil and sugar for a scrub, oatmeal face wash, green tea face masks, and uh…and several other bizarre things.

On top of that, I’ve really been into face masks. I just purchased a fucking shitload of face masks by My Beauty Diary, SK-II, and Skin Food.

So anyways, anybody tried Clarisonic or Olay? Advice on which one is the most efficient?

Any feedback would be much appreciated. Actually, let me rephrase. I expect feedback. Plain and simple. Only because if you give me feedback, I’ll give you more sex stories. Deal?

You guys rock. Thanks. :)

You know your BF’s a keeper when he’ll smell the socks you’ve been wearing everyday for 5 days, simply because you said, “Smell my socks. They smell like vinegar.”

That awkward moment when a coworker suddenly stops by your cube and sees you on his FB page, looking at his photos, and you’re not even FB friends with him. Motherfucker.

My red river dries up tomorrow, but I’m really horny right now. Like, so horny, I could finger fuck myself under my desk at work right now. Or go home and fuck the shit out of the BF and create a bloody mess.

Been doing the finger fucking since I was 7-years old. My 2nd grade teacher caught me masturbating under the desk during class and called my parents to tell them she was really concerned about me. At least she wasn’t the one who caught me rubbing up against the jacuzzi pump at a public pool. Or caught me fingering myself standing up behind a random bush.

Yeah…I got an early start. I was one fucking weird horny child. And yet, I held off until I was 21 to lose my virginity. I’m weird. Wait, did I say that already?